Gifted - The 5 Book Paranormal Romance Box Set Page 31

  "But why, exactly, did you have to, though? What happened in your past that made you feel like you couldn't let me into your heart?"

  Now I knew we were getting into the territory that Emma had told me to try to get Desmond to open up about.

  I'd set my coffee mug on the cherry wood nightstand closest to me, and Desmond now took my free hand to hold both of my hands in his own.

  "First, and this doesn't have anything to do with my heart-guarding, but I'll say that after you came to town, Madison, I had a look in your government Gifted file, and I was very sorry to learn that you lost both your parents during the Angels' failed Takeover. I was especially sorry because I know the same pain, unfortunately, which was the reason for my heart-guarding. I lost both my parents during the Takeover, as well as a woman I loved."

  Now things were making a bit more sense, as I'd hoped they would.

  "Her name was Alison, and though we weren't engaged quite yet, we definitely planned to have a future together. I truly loved her with my heart and soul, and...to be honest, I think a part of me will always love her. She was very, very special."

  I was beginning to understand why Emma thought that Eric might have reservations about becoming closer to her on a romantic level. Even though Desmond hadn't been married to Alison, it was hard not to feel like I might be competing with a ghost on some level if he and I ever entered into a serious relationship.

  However, more than anything else at the moment, I was just thinking of his pain in losing her. I could tell just by the look in his eyes that he still felt the loss deeply and probably always would. And I understood how a tragic, sudden loss of a serious romantic partner could make a person vow to never become close to another person on a romantic level again, so as to not ever be hurt like that again. When he continued speaking, it was as if Desmond had read my mind, or I'd read his.

  "After Alison was killed in an Angel attack while visiting her parents in Indiana, I blamed myself for a number of things, thinking I should have never let her go on her own, especially since everything was in such chaos in those first days post-Takeover. I hadn't even become a shifter yet, which is why I wasn't successful at defending my parents from the Angels ten days before Alison was killed.

  “But, then, once I did become a shifter and was properly trained, I was dispatched here to Chicago to lead, because of my previous military training. And that's when I decided to put the past in the past, and never speak about it to anyone but my very closest friends. At the same time, I vowed to never again put myself in a position to where I could be hurt as badly as I was when I lost Alison.

  “I just never, ever wanted to experience that level of pain again, and I still don't. It still nearly makes me ill just thinking about how completely heartbroken I felt during those early days.

  “And that's why, Madison, I fled from your apartment as soon as you were soundly sleeping. And that's why I initially wanted you as far away from me as possible once I learned you were pregnant. It was because I knew you were a woman I could very, very easily fall in love with, and I just couldn't have that.

  “I didn't want to grow to love our baby, either, just on the same principle. I loved deeply at one point, and it just hurt far too badly to lose it. Essentially, I just decided that the old adage about it being better to love and lose than never love at all was wrong."

  "And now you feel differently?"

  I was hoping. Hoping with all my heart, actually.

  After picking up my hands and kissing each of them, Desmond said that yes, he did feel differently. "I'm at least going to try to feel differently. I at least want to give things a chance."

  "And what made you change your mind?"

  I had to admit, I was pretty curious. Not complaining in the least, elated actually, but still pretty curious.

  With warm sunlight bathing his handsome face, making his eyes bluer than usual, Desmond looked down at our clasped hands for a long moment before meeting my gaze again.

  "I guess something just changed in me last night, and I'm not even exactly sure what. I just felt like I wanted to allow myself to open my heart and feel something again, even for just a little while.

  “And then once I did, it felt too good to stop, and I started considering the possibilities...you and me in love, and you, me, and our child as a happy family...and then I held you as you slept, just doing a lot of thinking. And I decided that I want to try. I just want to try to see if I can give us a chance without once again becoming too scared of growing to love you and then losing you."

  Heart melting, I gave his hands a gentle squeeze, smiling a little at the same time.

  "I never dreamed that a dragon shifter could be scared of anything."

  He smiled in return, making his eyes dance in the sun.

  "It's true, and I'll freely admit it. I'm still scared, Madison...scared of growing to love you and the baby, and then having the two of you ripped away from me. But, like I felt deep in my gut even when I was trying to push you away, I know it'd be wrong of me to not even try to give things a chance."

  "I agree, not least of all because that wouldn't be fair to yourself...to deny yourself love forever just so you can avoid all possibility of losing love again. I don't think that's what your parents and Alison would want, either. I think they'd all want you to be happy. They'd want you to try to open your heart. They'd want you to enjoy love again, and enjoy being a father."

  Suddenly cracking a big grin, Desmond dropped his head, giving it a shake.

  "'Being a father' still doesn’t seem quite real yet."

  Smiling, I pulled one of his hands to my lower stomach.

  "Well, it is. Your teeny-tiny baby is right in here."

  Expression completely sober now, Desmond just looked at my stomach for a long moment before lifting his gaze to my face.

  "Our baby. Our little son."

  I burst into laughter, releasing his hand from my stomach.

  "Oh...oh, whoa. 'Our little son?' How are you so sure about that? I've been thinking that the baby's a girl. In fact, I've been starting to feel pretty sure about that."

  "And if it's a girl, I'll be just as over-the-moon as if it's a boy. A healthy baby of either gender will make me make me incredibly happy...but I just have a very strong feeling that it's a boy."

  "Well, I just have a very strong feeling that it's a girl...and she's in my body, so I'm probably right."

  Desmond smiled. "You probably are."

  Just then, his phone began going off again, and he frowned.

  "I'm sorry. Just one second." After grabbing his phone and glancing at the screen, he frowned even harder. "Eric again. Just let me see what's going on."

  He answered the call, listened for just a few seconds, and then said that he'd be right there.

  Completely understanding that he was needed, and probably urgently, I spoke first so that he wouldn't have to apologize.

  "Just go. It's okay. I'm just glad that we got to spend last night and this morning together. Hopefully we'll be able to spend even more time together very soon."

  Nodding, Desmond leaned in and brushed a tender kiss against my lips. "We will. I promise."

  "Good. And please promise me, too, that we're starting a whole new chapter today. One where you're going to fight to not push me away, even if you get scared again and feel like you want to."

  Eyes radiating sincerity, Desmond leaned in and gave me another kiss, letting his lips linger a little longer this time.

  "I promise you that, too. No more of me trying to push you away. No more running from love. This is a new chapter for us, Madison."

  He soon left, and I finished the rest of my coffee in bed, heart soaring.

  CHAPTER 15

  Later that day, while we walked to Gifted practice, I told Emma all about the turn of events with Desmond, including the fact that we'd slept together again, thinking that it would all leave her stunned, or at least a little surprised.

  Instead, once I'd said all I had to sa
y, she just nodded, smiling a bit.

  "Yep. That all sounds about right. I just kept thinking that if the two of you could just spend more time together, Desmond would come to realize that he can't keep his heart closed off forever."

  "Yeah...thankfully, he did come realize that. And now I just have to make sure that he doesn't get scared of losing me and decide to close off his heart once again."

  With sunlight glinting off her oversized, tortoiseshell sunglasses, Emma glanced over at me.

  "Well, no, I don't think you've got that exactly right. You don't have to 'make sure' of anything. You can be your usual sweet, kind, supportive self when you're with Desmond, and hopefully, over time, he'll start to feel more secure about keeping his heart open; but you're not responsible for his emotions, as far as 'making sure' that he doesn’t get scared of losing you.

  “That's his thing. You can't control whether he gets scared, or freaks out, or pushes you away, or whatever else. You can't control his emotions or his actions, nor should you feel like you have to. Yes, be supportive and reassuring, definitely...but just don't feel like you determine his behavior by your own. If he gets a bit scared and tries to push you away again, that will be on him, not you.

  “And hopefully, he never will again, but get what I mean? People who are used to keeping their hearts closed off...well, it has much less to do with the behavior and actions of the other party than it has to do with them."

  Pulling my gaze from a large planter of colorful flowers in front of a flower shop, I glanced at Emma.

  "I think I get what you mean...and it seems like you've been giving some thought to the whole heart-closed-off thing lately...maybe as it pertains to you, and Eric. Have you?"

  She sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know. He brought over dinner last night, and our hands touched while we were both reaching for Jake's cup on the table...and for a second, I thought...well, I don't even know what I thought. I thought that feeling his hand brushing against mine, even accidentally, made me feel like I wanted to cry or something, but in a good way.

  “But then I thought about all the talented Gifteds Eric could choose from for a long-term, equally matched partner, emphasis on equally matched, and I almost felt embarrassed for some reason, to the point that I barely even spoke to him during dinner. I could never enter into any kind of a relationship with him, being such a failure of a Gifted."

  Coming to a sudden stop, I grabbed Emma's t-shirt sleeve to bring her to a stop as well.

  "Just hold up a second."

  "What is it?"

  "You've got to stop with all this 'failure of a Gifted' stuff. You're not a failure. You just have some sort of a mental block because of what happened with Josh, and I think that's pretty understandable. I also think you're using this block as some sort of an excuse not to fully say goodbye to Josh and move on to what I think could be a very happy new relationship with Eric."

  "I'm not using it as an excuse at all. In fact-"

  "Really, Emma? Look me dead in the eyes and say that."

  We'd reached the flower shop, and despite the fact that her oversized sunglasses kind of obscured her gaze, I could still clearly tell that she'd been looking at the large planter of colorful flowers, and not at me, when she'd made her denial. Now, folding her arms across her chest, she turned her focus to me, but didn't try her denial again, and I continued.

  "It all needs to end today, Emma. Your mental block, the past affecting your present and future, and all your issues related to not being able to use your Gifted power. You've got to start writing a new chapter right now, today. And no better time to start that new chapter than two minutes from now, when we arrive at the training gym."

  "But you act like me getting over my mental block is just going to be as easy as me snapping my fingers and wishing it gone."

  "Well, I don't think that. But I think you should at least give using your power another try...or maybe even several. After all, it seems to be the day of everyone trying, so you may as well join in. Desmond is going to try to not get scared and push me away again, and I'm going to try not to get scared about that possibility and paranoid about it, which probably isn't going to be easy."

  I paused, deciding I was going to bring out the big guns.

  "But those efforts don't even compare to how hard someone else is going to have to try very soon, and that person is your own sweet Jake. He's going to have to learn how to walk soon once he doesn't have to wear the braces anymore, after barely being able to pull himself up to stand with them on. He's going to have to try over, and over, and over again, I'm sure, but something just tells me he's not going to give up until he can pull himself up easily on his own and walk.

  “So, are you going to join him in all his trying by trying your own different thing yourself, or are you going to let him grow up thinking that quitting is fine sometimes, if we're scared of something, or if we get a mental block, or if we just don't think we can do something. With as hard as he works to try to pull himself up to stand every day, I can guarantee you this isn't what he thinks now."

  Emma suddenly pushed her sunglasses up an inch and hastily wiped one of her eyes.

  "Geez...you just had to mention Jake, didn't you."

  "Well...I guess I did. All the things I said are true, but I also thought you needed a little push to really get on board with trying again to use your power. I'm your friend, Emma, and I think it's really important that you don't just let this go for the rest of your life."

  Hugging her arms to her chest, she looked from the planter of bright flowers to me.

  "All right. I'll give it a go today. But please don't pressure me while I'm trying to levitate. I think that will only make my mental block worse. Just let me kind of creep onto the practice floor and join in at my own pace."

  "Deal. I won't even say a word. I won't pressure you in any way at all."

  I didn't, though, unfortunately, that didn't seem to help Emma much. After kind of tiptoeing out onto the practice floor once things had gotten started, just like she'd said she would, she just as tentatively began extending a palm, clearly trying to levitate the Gifteds who were being "Angels" that day, but as far as I saw, she didn't levitate a single one of them a single inch.

  Maybe halfway through practice, she left the floor and began heading in the direction of the restrooms, wiping her eyes, but I didn't follow her, sensing that maybe it was best that I didn't.

  When she returned to the practice gym a while later, she briefly sat in her usual spot in the seating area before returning to the floor once again. But again, she had no luck levitating anyone. At the end of practice, Brianna and a few others told her in a low key sort of way that it had been great to see her out on the floor, and I said a silent prayer of thanks that they hadn't been more vocal about it. Something told me that would have made Emma feel even more pressure than she was already likely putting on herself.

  When we left the building together and got out on the street, she immediately glanced over at me.

  "Let's just talk about anything other than me not being successful back there."

  I said that was perfectly fine, and after grabbing a few hot dogs from a street vendor, we talked about how it was pretty miraculous how I hadn't gained even a single pound during my pregnancy yet, despite the fact that I'd definitely been eating for two. Or three.

  Early that evening, Desmond showed up at my apartment and pulled me into his arms first thing, saying that he'd had a very long day dealing with Angel dragons, and that I was a sight for sore eyes. After standing on my tiptoes to give him a kiss, I asked him what, specifically, the Angel dragons were doing, and he heaved a sigh.

  "Well, I'll tell you what they're not doing. They're not acting like angels."

  Thoroughly tickled by this little joke for some reason, I laughed, then took his hand and began leading him out to the living room.

  "Come on. Let me pour you a whiskey, and then we'll sit down, and you can fill me in about the Angel dragons not acting
like angels. Then, after that, I'm going to cook you dinner. Not trying to be funny at all, but I've been thinking about angel hair pasta with meat sauce all day."

  It was true; I really had been.

  Once I'd brought Desmond his whiskey, I settled in next to him on the couch, facing him with one of my knees bent, and told him to tell me what kind of trouble the Angel dragons were causing.

  He took a long drink of his whiskey before responding, not even flinching, as if it were just apple juice.

  "Well...to make a long story short, our intelligence sources have told me recently that the Angels and their Angel dragons are planning a full-scale attack on the city soon, which they haven't done since we Destroyers reclaimed the city.

  “They're determined to now take it back, and worryingly, their numbers have really swelled lately. They might even have close to as many dragons as we do. Because of this, the leader of their dragons, Darius Archer, thinks that they'll just be able to stroll on in, take the city back for their own, and then keep right on rolling north, taking all the smaller cities like Quincy and Mason for their own as well."